A Surgeon Cuts

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One by one they walked in
Expecting me to cut the hand that fed me
As I wrestled with this in my mind
I prayed that I would be right
That the cancer had not spread
But limited to the breast tissue
As I made a mark around my surgery site
I wondered what a loss
My patient might feel
With the first flash of blood
I bit my lips
FIRST
A glimpse of hope surged
As I palpated the tissue and felt a tight capsule
The world stood still
I waited
For the lab to call back
She could come out with a scar
Or a phantom loss phenomenon
A smile spread across my face as I heard
The answers over the phone
Yes, all the tissue were in and the nodes were safe

SECOND
I could not keep my eyes straight
It almost felt like a crime
As I examined my surgery site
I felt a stab in my chest
Each time I removed a node
The swelling of the hand that will follow
Pain that is excruciating and prolonged
The heavy decision to follow
Implant or no implant
A lingering fear of reoccurrence
With a cancer that has spread

THIRD
It was an emergency
One that requires my expertise
Yet in my mind a rollercoaster
Of thought were on
How will I know if I got it all
When will I know it all came out
I have reached the end
And I could not go any further
I need the drugs
Yes I need the X-Rays
It I could move the clock back
It might have been a different story
Yet any time I waste
May be the difference
Between cure
And death

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